My own personal torture chamber

Sometimes I wonder why I hang onto so much.

So much negativity.
So much sadness.
So much pain.
Why do I do this to myself?
I can hear the words/voices over and over again in my mind……like my own personal torture chamber.
I have mastered the crying without making a sound thing......that way, no-one notices.

 “Did you still love each other when that photo was taken” – said my mother, when looking at a photo of my ex-boyfriend and I.  Didn’t she realise how much that stung?  Didn’t she remember how my life fell apart when he ended our relationship? Did she not realise that I was still recovering from a broken heart?  Why would my own mother be so cruel?

“When was that photo taken, you look so thin there?” – said my mother, when looking at a photo that was taken the day before.  My hair was down instead of being pulled back into a pony tail.  Perhaps she meant to say that it was a lovely photo of me.

“Yes I remember them, they are your only 2 friends aren’t they?” – said my mother, when I mentioned I had seen 2 of my friends recently.  I had to remind her that I actually had a lot of friends.
“Oh, well your dad and I don’t have any friends” – Does she ever stop to wonder why?

“Your dress looks dirty”
“Why did you do your hair like that?”
Did my spouse not realise that a bride wants to be complimented by her husband on her wedding day?

“Did your parents phone to wish us for our anniversary?” 

“No” I replied to my spouse for the third year in a row.
Why didn’t they remember?
Why is everyone else more important than me?

 “Did your parents phone to wish you for your 40^th birthday today?”
“No” I replied to my spouse, as my heart sank deeper into my chest.

Did my spouse not realise how much that hurt me?

I didn’t expect a gift or a card or even a phone call…..just a text message or a post on Facebook would have been sufficient.
Didn’t my spouse see the hurt in my eyes?
Does anyone?