My heart is still bruised but it’s definitely healing.
Love is a strange thing, it has surprised me so much this year when I think back.
Make no mistake, it has crushed my inner soul in so many ways, but once again, here I stand filled with desire, hope and love.
I cannot believe how just a few weeks ago I thought my marriage had ended and I was in a very dark place.
I finally decided to confront him and let him know, that I know.
He ended it.
A few days ago I was still filled with the dreaded “need to know all the details” virus and just couldn’t stop thinking about how much pain she had caused in my marriage.
How I felt betrayed by my husband.
How they had hurt me.
But now, I am so grateful that I am in a place where I can start letting go.
Writing these blogs is therapeutic, it helps me.
It also helps that my husband has sincerely apologised and has realised just how much he has hurt me.
I think he is surprised that I have fought to stay in our marriage.
He realises how hard it has been…..all the puzzle pieces finally put back together.
The pot has it’s lid back…………long story……..every pot has it’s lid……
I
reached out to her on WhatsApp.
I
wanted to break the ice and let her
know that I have forgiven and I am in the process of moving on.We have never met or even spoken, but I felt compelled to let her know.
I didn’t expect an apology. (Not to say that it wouldn’t have been nice to hear it)
I did however expect her to grab the olive branch that was extended considering her role in the whole debacle.
I acknowledged that I am not perfect and neither was my marriage, but I was not giving up!
I told her we don’t have to be friends or even like each other, but we need to get along for the sake of their daughter.
I never received a response.
Her immediate reaction was to block me on Facebook and on WhatsApp. Guilt? Shame? Hatred? Pain? True colours?
They share a child together, which means all our lives will be intertwined forever.
I am her daughter’s step-mother.
I thought it would be best for all if we could all just learn to move on and be civil with one another.
Clearly she doesn’t feel the same.
Perhaps it’s because I ruined her plans?
I think she had big plans for herself.
I saw she posted something a while back about “finally living the life she had dreamed of” - did she think there was money?
I feel that she is a very selfish person.
All this time, her daughter should have been forming a relationship with her father.
But she put her own selfish desires ahead of her daughter’s needs.
She pushed a friendship with a vulnerable man over the edge, and created a secret relationship (with his help).
She found a crack on the surface of our marriage due to many things over the years, faults on both parties, and she weaselled her way in.
Deeper and deeper she dug in her claws.
I saw It all happening before it even begun, funnily enough.
I know women like her.
She had no idea that I knew…..for almost 2 months I had to keep my mouth shut, choke back tears, fight the rejection and insecurities.
Hope that my husband would come back to me and our marriage.
Things got so bad that we were almost divorced.
I couldn’t say anything to my husband because he would just think I was being a jealous wife.
So
here I am.
Here
we are.I am trying to let go of needing to know every detail syndrome that fills my head occasionally.
I am determined to get over this and we will be happier for it.
Commitment and love is back in our hearts.
Thank
you God for listening to my crys and for comforting me when my whole world
was falling apart.
I
am eternally grateful to be where we are at the moment.I look forward to the future and know that if there are more bumps along the way that we will get through them.
I know that in time I will look back and know that this is the best thing that could have happened to our marriage, because it made us that much stronger.
